I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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