He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
