he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
