when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
