Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
