I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i drank out of a bidet.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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