Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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