I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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