I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
