How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
