I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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