I'm eating all of the evidence.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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