Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
