im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
