i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
