Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
