True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
