Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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