Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
