Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
