My first STD was from a foam party
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
