he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
