You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
