Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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