i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
