My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Why is your signature on my underwear?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
