Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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