What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
