you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
