i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
