the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
