dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
