I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
