after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
