Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
