Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
