Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
