i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
