I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
