made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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