Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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