Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
only you would photoshop your dick
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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