They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
