ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
