We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
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