so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
