how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
