I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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