Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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