My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
