yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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