Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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